Motherless and Fatherless children of NZ forced to have the only parent they have taken away!

I feel sick to the stomach that the importance of a bond between a parent and child has little value and recognition in the eyes of people that make any important decisions in this country. Clearly NZ is way off the mark with the way they are doing things, one of the highest youth suicide rates, excessive drinking culture, child abuse… a clear indication that the way they are doing things, is not working!!!! To think that in this country, a solution is seen in a further weakening in natural relationships between children and the people that in most cases love and support them as a good idea is disturbing!

I have observed day care environments.  What I saw was kids running around making their own way through life, sensing abandonment, wondering when the people who love them will be returning?   Locked away for hours from the stimulation of the real world….having little guidance and no one to answer their questions that continually race through their developing mind.  No escape from the chaos and noise around them, no privacy or ability to work out life with any type of calm?  Stressed out adults lining them up to feed and water them, scenes reminiscent of factory farming. How can forcing young children into this environment be an improvement?.

There is no doubt that this ridiculous idea will lead to youth not relating, respecting or ever benefiting from the wealth of knowledge those older than them have to offer. Why will they ever listen when they will be trained or conditioned to believe that from such a young age they don’t need too?

My child had a horrible time in kindy and the brief time he spent in ECE, he asked me “Why do you keep leaving me there, you are gone for so long?.  My response because “it’s fun for you and they have heaps of toys and other kids to play with”…his response, “but I have played with all the toys, I don’t need toys, it is boring and I wait for you for hours, why do you leave me with them, your my mum not them, it’s your job to look after me not theirs?, I want to be with you!”.  Now this led to me questioning what was important to me and what was this really all about.? Clearly my priority for my child is his happiness. So I continued because that’s the ‘trend of the times’. This lead to his loss of appetite and uncontrollable crying with the start of a new week…my turning up to him staring into space lying in the fetal position on the ground and sprinting to me to leave for home and asking why I took so long? I am aware some children thrive in these places but how can children be forced into this situation, for some a clearly high stress emotionally disturbing place to be…how can this be a good idea?  After months of persisting and the careful observations of a Child Psychologist it was determined that my child was highly intelligent, focused and in general a very socially happy clever young boy however for whatever reason was experiencing unnecessary stress and anxiety – in short it was recommended by the professional and teachers that I no longer continue to put him in these places, for him to be there had NO BENEFIT!.

I am a dedicated single mother, I have looked after my son every day of his six years, I am responsible, I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not take drugs, I do not expose my son to any situation where he will be endangered or exposed to anything like this, I keep a tidy home, I make sure my son is always clean and fed well, I read daily to him, I play with him, I teach him how to relate kindly to others, I teach him morals, care, respect and that he is secure in the love of his family,  most importantly I teach him that he can rely on me!  In a situation where I am doing the job of two people, is it not fair that the least I can be entitled to is the time to do this job?  How else can I teach him to be reliable? be respectful? value morals? avoid filling a void with drugs and alcohol? be secure? be responsible? be a stable well rounded young man?  Is the answer by sending him to spend his formative years with a stranger that from year to year he will never see or have anything to do with again? I think it is obvious to any level headed person, this is not the answer!

What a terrifying freedom of choice to have taken away from the well-meaning, devoted, caring parents that do exist.

All the research has shown this is a terrible idea? It is important to mention the reason I am a single parent was a decision I made to remove him from a lifestyle his father wanted to continue, this ridiculous increasingly normalised culture of drinking, smoking and general selfish behavior, why should I be punished for giving my son the best shot at turning out to be a happy, healthy human being?  It is incredibly unfair that my son is disadvantaged because he didn’t end up in a situation of having the perfect nuclear family along with the picket white fence?.

The NZ government needs to acknowledge this terrible idea will cost them! Expect terrible statistics! Expect crime rates to increase at alarming rates! Expect youth to have even less respect for older generations, to be lost and without purpose…there will be no other outcome. What else can you expect from a system that teaches kids from the get go, no one listened to me so why should I listen to you?  Please consider the devastating impact this incredibly unfair, blatant attack on underprivileged families will have on the already fragile, confused mind of the fatherless and motherless children of NZ. These kids most of all need reassurance that the family they do have, are there for them and love them wholeheartedly. Please don’t take the opportunity for the parent that is there for them to do this, to be taken away!

Please see sense and reject this idea.  If it is about money why not employ people to investigate the genuineness of DPB dependants, those people fraudulently living under the guise that they are single parents, claiming they are not in relationships when it is all a big lie.  I have no fear of this, I know I am not one of them but we all know there are plenty of them that do exist! Support not punishment is what we parents and the children need.

Yours Sincerely,


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