Craig Smith 26 January 1951 to 30 September 2011
http://hef.org.nz/2011/craig-smith-26-january-1951-to-30-september-2011/
This link has Craig’s Diary 2 pages, Updates on Craig Smith’s Health 6 pages, Livestream of Josh and Charmagne’s Wedding, Livestream of Craig’s Funeral, Livestream of the slideshow and Tributes given at the afternoon tea and Tributes in written form.
25 March 2012
Craig honoured, this morning, by a new Dad as he named his first son
This morning my wife, Daena, and I named our firstborn son. His name is Levi Andrew Craig Moore.
Levi after Abolitionist Levi Coffin, the unofficial “President of the Underground Railroad,” who is estimated to have helped smuggle at least 3,000 slaves into freedom. Levi Coffin is also an ancestor of baby Levi – on Daena’s side of the family.
Andrew after his dad.
Craig after a man who was immensely influential in my transition through God’s grace – from a “normal” self-obsessed young man into someone who better understood his mandate from God to fight for righteousness, the autonomy of the family, and to speak up for the speechless. Craig went to be with Jesus on 30 Sept, 2011. His legacy is far reaching and Levi is truly privileged to have this great man’s name in his.
30 March 2012 (11:35pm 6 months on)
It is 6 months since Craig passed to Glory.
Yesterday my Australian family (two daughters and 3 grandchildren) left, after a glorious week’s visit, to return to their husbands and homes. We had a wonderful time and achieved much during that time.
I read Psalm 111 and 112 after they left. I am truely blessed when I think of our children. Craig feared the Lord and greatly delighted in His commandments (Psalm 112:1) and we are seeing already that our decendants will be (and are) mighty in the land – they are upright and are being blessed. (Psalm 112:2). I was again encouraged by RC Sproul Jnr in this post: What should I do when feeling completely overwhelmed, with a “to do” list as long as the Matterhorn is high, while wanting only to pull the bed covers over my head? Read the whole post as it is encouraging for everyone. RC expresses so well how I feel and what I need to do. His last paragraph is so true:
Since my wife passed I am constantly asked how I am doing. I am so grateful for people’s concerns. The truth is I do have a long to-do list, even without my honey making me honey-do lists. I also feel the weight of the sorrow of missing her that beckons me to spend the day in bed. I can’t, however, curl up in a ball because of my life’s work. I have eight children to care for, children who miss their mom every bit as much as I do. For all my sadness over the loss of my wife, I yet have what we have made, by His grace, together, these precious children. They need their dad more than I need a day in bed. In loving, in serving them, my wounds begin to heal and I am reminded I am not a man without shoes looking at children without feet. I am instead the richest man in the world, because of the children who are my, and His heirs. Give thanks. Repent. Believe the gospel. And get to work.
I am truely blessed and I do feel like I am the richest Woman in the world, because of the children who are our, and His heirs. I do give thanks. Repent. Believe the gospel and now I need to get to work.
I have much to do (DV). Tomorrow is the end of the financial year. I want to get the 2 GST reports done next week. This will help me to get the end of year receipts out to all the givers to the Home Education Foundation during April. Next will come the year end accounts. Once those are out of the way I will be sending out a letter to all the subscribers to Keystone and TEACH Bulletin. Then comes a very large project I want to send a letter or email to everyone who has contacted us since July 28, 2011. In amongst all of this I want to make the home education of our three youngest the highest priority and dealing with any MoE and ERO difficult cases. I have had a number of people with difficult situations regarding the MoE and ERO and some involved the Police. As of right now all of these are resolved, although one person has another ERO review coming up really soon. Unfortunately in the early days after Craig died two people contacted me with difficulties which I didn’t follow up at the time. If you are one of those two people reading this now and you still are having difficulties then please get back in contact with me.
The last six months, in some ways has gone by really fast, and in other ways it has taken a very long time. We very thankful for all the love and care people have shown to us. My family have been wonderful and really supportive. Our local Church fellowship have continued to be looking out for our needs. Folks up and down New Zealand and over in Australia have been contacting us and looking after us. And overseas we have had continual support from folk in the USA, Canada, England, Mexico, Japan, Fiji, Holland and a very special friend from Sweden has been ringing me regularly all through the time of Craig’s illness and during the last six months. Ruby rang again last night. It is wonderful to hear from her so often.
I am still having people ring up and ask for Craig. Today a young man from England rang. We have never met him yet he would ring and talk with Craig every 6-8 months for a couple of hours. Craig had quite a ministry on the phone – he is being missed by many.
We continue to miss Craig: to miss his laugh; to miss his Spiritual leadership in our home (although Alanson is stepping in and taking over this role); his visionary ideas; his companionship; his love and care.
24 February 2012
33 years ago today Craig and I were married on a beautiful day at Foveran in the Hakataramea Valley. We had nearly 33 good years – some were a little tough which I have written about in our book “Training Our Children” and here but mostly they were great years. Early in our marriage Craig was challenged to do the hard things – the things that others can’t do or wont do. This characterised our marriage for nearly 33 years. We seemed to be pioneers all through our marriage. We have had a wonderful day remembering Craig. Family and friends have shared in our grief with us and rejoiced for Craig with us. Thankyou.
Psalm 84:10
For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
30 January 2012
It is now four months since Craig passed to Glory. We are continuing to miss him terribly. I missed a grandchild’s 2nd birthday today because I was reflecting too much on Craig and not enough on others around me.
Tonight I have been reading R C Sproul Jnr’s blog – through tears I have been encouraged.
RC says it so much better than me:
http://rcsprouljunior.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-better-half.html
Children, and their parents, crave stability. When their world is rocked by change, they are comforted by that which remains the same. I have been reminding my children of late that the loss of their mother, for all the pain, doesn’t mean that everything has changed. Indeed when I put my littles to bed each night I, as I have always done, remind them of these bedrock truths, “Daddy loves you. Mommy loves you. Daddy and Mommy love each other. And Jesus loves you.” These are the unchanging truths they can always count on, the solid ground on which they walk. We that are left behind are still together. And I am still me.
I am afraid, however, that I am not still me. This melancholy that follows me about like a cloud hovering over Charlie Brown, that’s not me. Waking up with less energy than when I went to sleep, that’s not me. Uninterested in food, that’s definitely not me. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. Neither do I hear my own voice in what I write. It’s a stranger that sits here crying in my office…
The Bible says that husbands and wives are one flesh. Christian marriage pundits turn this too into “Be nice to each other.” That is, we are told about the importance of open communication. We are encouraged to be as concerned for our spouse as we are for ourselves. We, in rephrasing what God has said so that we might understand it, end up further from the truth. We are not commanded to live as if we were one flesh. Instead we are told that such is the actual truth. The one-flesh reality means that I haven’t just lost the love of my life, but half of me. How could I recognize me, when I am now only half the man I once was? It isn’t quite accurate to say that when she drew her last breath a part of me died. Instead, half of me died.
The good news, however, is the same. Half of me has died, and is with Jesus. Half of me has no melancholy, but only joy. Half of me cries no more. Half of me sins no more. Half of me loves me, and the children, with a perfect love. Mourning, over the coming weeks and months, will move to dancing, as this half of me begins to more deeply believe the blessings I have in my better half…
and again RC Says thanks to you all so much better than I can put the words together – just the way Craig would have written if he could:
http://rcsprouljunior.blogspot.com/2012/01/honoring-living.html
…The truth is, by God’s grace, that I have no regrets about anything. Everyone, childhood friends, relatives, pew neighbors, ministry associates, everyone has done wonderfully by us. We are so overwhelmed with the grace of others that our biggest burden is how to adequately say, “Thank you.” In the end we know we can’t, because the very source of all the kindness we have received is the same grace by which we are redeemed. You don’t repay that. You simply weep in thanksgiving.So I ask two things. First, if you ever find yourself wondering, “Should I go?” The answer is “Yes, of course.” Second, receive not just my thanks, and the thanks of my children. But also receive the thanks of my dear wife. She is still grateful, on high. There is, among believers, no such thing as a “farewell tour.” There is instead only a “Until we meet again tour.”
My deepest gratitude to all of you who have walked with me through my grief. Your prayers and encouragement have buoyed me up in the long and dark hours. It is possible that the below will be my last piece committed to this difficult journey. Rest assured, however, that the deep wound will not fully heal on this side of glory, and even then my scar, like His, and yours, will beautify eternity…Jesus did not, forty days ago, take Denise from me. She was never mine to begin with. He placed her under my care. He blessed me with her wisdom, with her example, with her love. But she was then what she is now, and will always be, His.
…I too belong to Him. I asked Him to give me forty days to mourn- to devote time, space, energy to entering into my loss. Those forty days have drawn to a close. Crossing this barrier, stepping out of the ash-pile, however, hasn’t changed my heart. Indeed despite recognizing the objective wisdom of my friend who suggested that I give myself over to mourning for forty days, I find myself not wanting to let go. I know, as I knew from the beginning that moving past this forty days will not end my sadness. I fear, however foolishly however, that it will end her, that she will pull further away from me. I fear that I would be giving up the ghost, which seems to be all I have left of her. The dust of her death has become my familiar familiar.The irony is the matching fears. That is, in putting that ring on Denise’s finger, in that ritual pregnant with promise and meaning, I was afraid. Could I be the kind of godly husband she deserved? Would I be faithful in leading her? It is the same fear that haunts me now. Will I honor her memory by being the man she helped make? Will I be faithful to her memory, and our pledge? And the mirror of that fear is in the mirror of the ritual. On this, my fortieth day of mourning my beloved, I remove the ring she put on my finger. I cried through putting her ring on, even as I cry in taking mine off.The ring reminded me not that my life was committed to Denise, but that our lives were committed to the Lord. Its absence, I pray, will remind me still of the message inside. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. God called me to be a husband for almost twenty years. He has called me to be a servant, a soldier, a disciple and a friend for always. Pray that I would be faithful.
10 December 2011
Psalm 63:1-8 (ESV)
1O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.5My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
6when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
8My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
God’s steadfast love is better than life. Craig knows this steadfast love which is better than life now. Oh to be with Craig to experience this steadfast love and to be with Craig.
I am reminded again of
Philippians 1:21
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
God has chosen to take Craig and leave me here. Craig has gained. For me to live is Christ. The verses in Psalm 63:1-8 are a real comfort to me as I remember and meditate. He has and is being my help in the shadow of His wings I do sing for joy. My soul clings to Him; His right hand upholds me.
8 December 2011
Delighting in the Next Generation of Warriors for Christ
Written by John’s Parents – Jim and Marlene
What an encouragement the next generation is! Those who walk in purity, raise their children in the admonition of the Lord, and who are unstained by the world (James 1:27) are a blessing to behold. Indeed, this can be rare in our society today.
Our family was greatly encouraged when we attended Charmagne and Joshua’s wedding. It was exciting to see a young woman whom we’d known for nearly eleven years who walks in purity and who had properly prepared to be a helpmeet to her husband. We were very blessed to be witnesses to such a union of joining a man and woman for a life’s work of service to the Lord. Attending a wedding is something we take very seriously because it means witnessing the vows that form the couple’s covenant before God. It’s not about seeing the bride’s gown—although Charmagne’s was beautiful—or feasting at the reception, it’s about celebrating the two lives joined as one and being a witness to their vows.
But the blessings the Lord bestowed upon us didn’t stop there that weekend.
We had the opportunity to talk with Zach and to spend time getting to know his lovely wife, Megan, and their two beautiful daughters and newborn son. Craig enjoyed his new grandson, the next generation to carry on the Smith name. “The male Smiths were getting a bit thin on the ground,” he commented to us and then gave a hearty laugh.
Genevieve, her husband, Pete, and their lovely children rounded out the family portrait for the Smith children who are now married. We watched as Pete gave quick lessons to his children about respect and manners (Proverbs 22:6). It was wonderful to see a father undertaking this responsibility as Genevieve quietly nursed the baby.
On Sunday afternoon, we were blessed to see the Zach Smith and Pete de Deugd families enjoying being together, not only for Zach and Genevieve’s sake, but also seeing them as the next generation raising the next generation of warriors for Christ. And, yes, we view those walking in purity and trying to raise godly children in a secular world as warriors for Christ. By God’s grace, raising godly children is a ministry in itself, which we all sometimes forget.
It was very encouraging to see the fruit of how Genevieve and Zach—Megan and Pete too—were raised and that it is producing more fruit in how they are raising their children (Psalm 112:2). It was a blessing to hear these two young families talking about how they plan to homeschool their children! During a moment like this, one knows that every moment spent in prayer, sacrifice, and love that it takes to homeschool is well worth it and does bear fruit. It is by God’s grace that any parent succeeds in raising a godly child to carry the torch of Christian love and virtue to the next generation.
We also witnessed the torch being passed from Craig to Alanson as future leader of the family. Alanson led us in the Smith tradition of praise and worship after the meal, something that we have always admired in their family when we’ve visited.
Our family would like to thank the Smith and de Deugd families in letting us join you the day after the wedding. Time spent with your families has always blessed us immensely, but this last visit to Palmerston North was extra special. Thank you for giving our adult children the vision of seeing what they too could achieve with their future families, Lord willing. Thank you for being a part of our lives and capturing a huge piece of our hearts! We love you dearly.
30 November 2011
It is now two months since Craig passed away from us and went to Glory. Words cannot express how much I am missing Craig. Yet I am not without hope and I can have peace and joy in the hope of meeting Craig again. I miss Craig so much and wonder at times why God thought Craig’s work on earth is finished because there is so much to be done still: Our children are still 13, 11 and 6 they still require a lot of training; the home schooling movement still has many needs and Craig has left a big gap – we are still getting phone calls from people wanting to speak to Craig because of the help/counsel he gave them in the past and lots of people still wanting that good “introduction to home education talk” that many of you have had and written to me about since Craig has died;……….etc. And yet at times I feel the rightness of Craig’s death. It feels weird to be feeling this way and to be writing about it. It can only be coming from God and all the prayers that you are all praying for our family. So thank you for praying for us. That is our greatest need at the moment. Thank you also for the verses you have been sharing with us. Two that are particularly meaningful at the moment are Isaiah 57:1-2 and Proverbs 3:5-6
The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart;
devout men are taken away, while no one understands.
For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; (some versions say: “from the evil to come”)
he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness.
and
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Once Genevieve, Zach and Charmagne and their families returned to their homes and Maree, Suzannah and John, our three extra helpers, returned to their homes Alanson moved into Charmagne’s old room after being away for about 8 years. So at home I now have Alanson 27, Jedediah 13, Kaitlyn 11 and Grace 6. The first thing I had to do was do a new exemption application (to home school) for Grace. The one that Craig and I did jointly before he was diagnosed and extra info after he was diagnosed was declined the week before Craig died. We were told we had the right to appeal that decision by writing to the Secretary for Education who’s decision is final. And I had heard Craig say often enough don’t go down that route. Since Grace was already 6 I then wrote a new more conventional exemption application based on Kaitlyn’s (which was approved in 4 days) but not Grace’s. I was again asked for more information – I needed to write a paragraph on each subject, more on assessment and more on the timetable. I think times are a changing – and we now don’t have Craig to help keep these changes to a minimum. Thankfully I now have Grace’s exemption.
While Craig was battling his cancer we left everything to fight the cancer and to do things so that we would not have any regrets if Craig were to die. It was wonderful to have Craig’s sisters visit from California and Canada for a long weekend. We sure made the right decisions to bring Josh and Charmagne’s wedding forward. You can still watch it on the livesteam http://hef.org.nz/about-us/craig-smith-26151-to-30911/charmagnes-wedding/.
Thank you to everyone who contributed towards the special surprise for Charmagne. Genevieve kept it from us all. What a surprise when we saw the horse and carriage coming down our street. 
Our good friend Roy had a struggle finding a horse and carriage for the surprise. This one came from nearly 3 hours away and the horse was still out wintering. They had less than a week to get the horse ready for the day. The horse lasted the whole day and transported the bride and the “father of the bride” to the Church and the bride and groom for their photos and to the reception. I made a decision not to leave Craig from the time of diagnosis of his unoperable, extremely fast growing Glioblastoma multiforme which I am now very thankful for as I only left him briefly twice for about an hour each time.
That meant that we also left everything in the Office undone. So for the last two months, after I have finished home educating the little ones, I have been on a new learning curve doing 4 GST reports (2 late ones, 28 August and 2 due 28 October) and figuring out the things that need to be done. I wrote a letter to our regular givers who give by Automatic payment (AP) to the Home Education Foundation letting them know what I have been thinking in regard to the Home Education Foundation. Here is the letter now:
1 November 2011
Dear
Thank you for your support of the Home Education Foundation over the last four months. We really appreciate it.
Craig stopped working on 28 July when he had his MRI and we knew that it was going to be something big by the way everyone reacted before he even got off the MRI table. We sent out a letter to all our Keystone and TEACH Bulletin subscribers informing them that we would be taking a break from producing these for the rest of this year while we sought a cure for Craig. We promised to either carry on next year or give refunds to everyone.
To read Craig’s diary, read updates about Craig’s health, see Charmagne’s wedding, listen to Craig’s funeral and the tributes at the afternoon tea via Livestream, read the tributes and the one from Geoff Botkin that wasn’t read out at the afternoon tea then go to this link: http://hef.org.nz/2011/craig-smith-26-january-1951-to-30-september-2011/.
I am missing Craig terribly yet God is my rock and strength as I trust in Him. Psalm 62:5-8. I know many of you are also missing Craig. I hear it from people who ring up to talk to him about their current issues. Craig will be missed by the home education movement in New Zealand for a long time.
I have had to think about what I should be doing now. I have three little ones still at home. They are 13, 11 and 6, and their training and home education must come first. Alanson, our grown up son, has moved back home and has taken on many of the responsibilities with the children. Craig and I were involved jointly in the Home education Foundation and it has been so much a part of our lives for so long now. I don’t want to give it all up. Alanson being at home now will enable me to carry on some of the Home Education Foundation functions like: the website www.hef.org.nz; the email discussion groups-hefnetnz, chednetnz, ccednet, dwha and TEACH-eForum; the books we sell; difficult MoE and ERO issues (which Craig was so good at-I have a lot to learn, but have already had a couple of cases since Craig died); and a Titus 2 ministry which would include counselling-home education and family/parenting issues and speaking at a limited number of workshops each year.
I have decided that I cannot keep doing Keystone or TEACH Bulletin. The Home Education Foundation trustees and I are considering two options: first that someone else does them (in which case your subscriptions will be extended out) or second that they cease being published altogether (in which case we will send out refunds).
I cannot take all the phone calls from people starting out like Craig used to. He would get a number each week and he would be on the phone to them for 1-2 hours at a time. This will take up too much of my time as these usually come during the day when I now will want to be with my children. So I will be referring these calls to local support groups. I would like to get a good list on our website of the main contact people in each area to make it easier for new people.
I have two projects that I would like to begin working on soon:
1. The History of Home Education in New Zealand. Craig has written a bit and several people answered my call for this and sent in their view of the history in their area. If you would like to write something then please send it to me over the next few months.
2. God took Craig home when his work on earth was finished. So there will be nothing new from Craig but he does have a lot of written work on his computer that I would like to publish over the next few months.
Thanks again for your support. It is greatly needed for keeping the website going and helping me to keep helping home educators in New Zealand.
In Christ’s service,
Barbara Smith
Home Education Foundation
PO Box 9064
Palmerston North 4441
New Zealand
ph. +64 6 357-4399
Serving, promoting, defending and publishing for Christian and secular home educators in NZ and overseas since 1986.
Unless we press the crown rights of the King [Jesus Christ] in every realm, we shall not retain them in any
I have also been trying to spend some time in our garden.
My next big project is to write to everyone who contacted us from the time of Craig’s diagnosis. I want to thank each one personally who gave money to go towards Craig’s treatment and for our family since Craig died. Many people have sent us cards, books, tablets, herbs, lots of advice and websites – all this was so welcomed.
We do thank God that we are in a Bible believing Church who has taught us correctly about the sovereignty of God. It has not been easy, we miss Craig as a husband and father but we are trusting in him, where we can have no understanding at the moment, to make our paths straight and He is meeting all our needs.
One of the major causes of devastating grief and confusion among Christians is that our expectations are false. We do not give the subject of evil and suffering the thought it deserves until we ourselves are confronted with tragedy. If by that point our beliefs–not well thought out but deeply ingrained–are largely out of step with the God who has disclosed himself in the Bible and supremely in Jesus, then the pain from the personal tragedy may be multiplied many times over as we begin to question the very foundations of our faith – D. A. Carson, How Long, O Lord? Reflections on Suffering and Evil, p. 11.
Thankyou again for labouring with us and for us in prayer. We are very aware that people are praying for us.
14 November 2011
(Update from Genevieve) It is a month since Dad’s funeral.
Pete and I and our children are back in Australia. There have been a lot of bugs going round and we have managed to catch all of them. Pete has more work than we can keep up with (a real blessing) and is researching the possibility of investing in a laser scanner and CNC router to take his woodworking (www.pdwoodcraft.com) to the next level. Charmagne’s wedding gave me a chance to exchange childcare tips with Megan (Zach’s wife) and her ‘how-to-get-a-child-to-sleep-12-hours-a-night-from-the-time-they-are-seven-weeks’ tip has given us a new child in Eva. From squawky to content and happy, Eva is now a child who laughs all the time because she is getting enough sleep. Marvellous.
Zach and Megan are back home with their tribe. Zach is about to celebrate his 30th birthday and they have come through Rainbow’s (very busy) catalogue season (request a catalogue at www.rainbowresource.com).
Charmagne and Josh have spent two weeks in Adelaide in South Australia with Josh’s work. Friends in Tasmania are beginning to wonder whether Charmagne exists since some haven’t seen her yet since they married as they’ve been away from Tasmania so much! I got to see them three weeks ago. They were obviously VERY happy.
Jerry has moved to Auckland and is doing security work up there. Like the rest of us he occasionally comes across something and evaluates it according to his memories of Dad. “Dad would have liked this.”
Alanson is down at Woodbourne. He is doing his month long corporal’s course with the RNZAF. He has moved back home and (when not in Woodbourne) sits in Dad’s seat at the table. He gets the family up at 6:30am for breakfast and leads in devotions before going to work each morning. At night he reads to the children while they are doing the dishes. We are VERY proud of Alanson for taking up Dad’s mantle in the family. Mum uses the time he is at home with the children to do any office work. Otherwise her days are spent with Jedediah, Kaitlyn and Grace home educating and doing chores. They ask questions about Dad’s death. “Why couldn’t the tumour be operated on?” It is hard for them. Grace in particular often says that she misses Dad. Mum takes those opportunities to remind her, “Remember how Dad used to hold your hand and not let go? He didn’t want to leave you Gracie.” Occasionally you might find her at the table playing, “Kings in the Corners.” She will deal two hands: one for herself and one for Dad and then plays both hands.
The truck run has been given to some friends until such a time as Jed acquires a license (through normal or abnormal routes). He is still in discussions with our member of parliament.
I was compelled after Dad’s death to consider whether we would do things differently if we had to do it over again. We might change some things, but most things we would still do again. For example, we would still make the same changes to Dad’s diet. God was so gracious to allow Dad to be fairly comfortable and pain free during most of his time with the tumour. We think his diet played a huge part in this wellbeing.
And I simply don’t know what we would have done without our doctor in the USA and the LifeOne. He has refused payment for his services which makes it very difficult to express to him how VERY, VERY grateful we are to have had his assistance during this journey. The support he gave us, the holistic care he took of Dad, the way he made himself so very accessible (we could call him anytime day or night and did) were all acts of such true charity. He spent hours consulting with us and researching on our behalf. We would most certainly want to enlist his services again. And we would want to use his LifeOne again, especially since there were signs that the LifeOne was working. But we were dealing with a very fast growing tumour and the fact is, the Lord wanted to take Dad home to be with Him.
Suzanna Rowntree visited Pete and I in Victoria, Australia recently with her family. I asked her about her time in New Zealand. This was her response to me:
“One thing I realised while staying with your family–even though by that time she’d left–is what a rare gem Charmagne is. When I first met her we fell so easily into friendship that I didn’t really try studying her hard to see what made her so easy to get along with. When I got home from NZ, Mum mentioned that she “has something few women have…She’s gracious.” That and observing Charmagne’s behaviour with her siblings especially through some hard times challenged me to be more gracious in everyday life.
“Another thing is totally unforgettable. The way your family grieved in the hours and days immediately following your father’s death was incredibly inspiring. I was surprised that the whole family, even the little girls, were gathered into the bedroom without any superstitious or over-nice worries about the body. Your mother told Kaitlyn that she wanted her to weep–”now is the time to grieve”. But hardly a word was uttered about sorrow and loss in all those prayers. Did you know that the following Sunday, at church, a man told your mother that her face was shining? When she told me about it, in surprise, I had to admit I could see why he’d said it. I now know what grief looks like when it gives glory to God. I feel so privileged to have been there at that time to see it.
“I learned to appreciate a lot of things. Like the health that I and my family enjoy, for one thing!
“I suppose, in the end, there are more things than I could possibly recall. It was a very intense time emotionally, even for me who had so little at stake.”
Mum and I have found that our grief at Dad’s death has only gotten more intense in the past 1.5 months. Something will pop into your mind that you want to ask Dad only to think, “Oh, I can’t.” Or there comes the realization, “I’ll never see him again here on earth.” The reality of death seems to settle in slowly.
And yet, for all the sadness, there is hope. That hope is all in Christ.
We are all dirty rotten sinners as Dad would say. Our sin has offended a Righteous God. Because of it we all deserve to die. But Christ died in our place. He paid the penalty for our sin. Like He did for Dad, the Lord has opened our eyes to see our sinfulness as He sees it. Dad used to liken himself to a rat running around in the sewer – a vivid description of his sinfulness and our sinfulness. But because Christ has covered this sinfulness with His righteousness, we (like Dad) will one day stand before God and be admitted into Glory.
Dad is there now. We look forward to being there in the future.
In the meantime, the Lord has work for us to do. This gives us purpose. There is dominion work to attend to. We need to be fruitful. We need to multiply. We need to teach and make disciples.
And look after the widows and orphans.
May God be praised. His ways are so far above our ways. Though we might experience grief, He comforts us and gives us hope. We remember that those who are in Christ never say goodbye for the last time!
19 October 2011
Memories by Suzannah Rowntree
Dear Mrs Smith
I thought you might like to know one or two things I
remember from the last days of Mr Smith’s life.
I think it was the afternoon that Josh & Charmagne left for Australia
that we sat outside and I read to Mr Smith from Isaiah 53 onwards, as
that’s a favourite part of the Bible for me. Mr Smith really seemed to
enjoy it. There was one particular place where he interrupted me and
repeated what I’d just read – Isaiah 62: 6-7: “I have set watchmen
upon thy walls, O Jerusalem, which shall never hold their peace day
nor night; ye that make mention of the Lord, keep not silence, And
give him no rest till he establish, and till he make Jerusalem a
praise in the earth.” “’Keep not silence’!” Mr Smith repeated.
I think it must have been the previous evening that we had some of
the Sandbrooks over. You nodded off at the head of the table, where
you sat beside Mr Smith, but Josh, Charmagne, and I enjoyed a
freewheeling discussion with the Sandbrooks on many different aspects
of theology. Halfway through, I glanced over to you and Mr Smith. He
had reached out his good arm to hug you and rub your back. I wish I
had been able to take a photo!
One morning towards the end, I was able to read a number of chapters
from “Biblical Economics.” As I began to read, Mr Smith reached out
for my hand and held it firmly for most of the chapter. Unfortunately
I never got to know him well; indeed, one of the reasons I wanted to
come to New Zealand was to get the chance to meet him if it was the
Lord’s will for him to die. By that time I was getting too late and in
his hours of lucidity I knew it was time for you and the family and
his close friends to spend with him. So it was special to hold his
hand and read to him like that.
On Mr Smith’s last afternoon in this world I went and read to him from
the Psalms. I thought if he could hear me, he might appreciate hearing
Ps 119 – all about the Psalmist’s delight in the law of God. So in
case you were wondering, that was one of the last Bible passages he
heard. Later, both Maree and I read from John’s Gospel, starting at
chapter 12… “Verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall
into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth
forth much fruit” (v 24).
After Mr Smith died, I woke and went in to find Maree and Kaitlyn
crying by the bed. I wanted to comfort Kaitlyn, but God gave Maree the
words. She lifted her face, covered in tears but with such an
indomitable look on it as I shall not forget. She said: “Do you
remember what the Bible says? O Death, where is thy victory? O grave,
where is thy sting? Jesus died and conquered Death so we can look in
the face of Death and say, You lose!” I wish you had been there to
hear. I only put down what I remember.
I want to thank you for allowing me to serve you in a small way
during this time. I know many people would have been more than glad to
come had I not come. I had it easy; I could feel like I was actually
doing something to help, while other friends of yours waited and
waited for their moment of glory in helping you out! Thank you for
adopting me temporarily. It must not always be nice having non-family
members around during a time like this. And most of all, thank you for
your incredible example of faith, contentment, and Christian grieving.
People were telling me to encourage you all not to mourn as those with
no hope. Actually it was you teaching me about that!
**
Lots of love from
Suzannah Rowntree
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