Dear Girls,

The next newsletter is attached as a pdf id072-submission-in-dress.pdf and the text from the pdf follows this note. To see the photos you will need to open the pdf.

The web address has changed to access and read previous newsletters. The new address is: https://hef.org.nz/category/issacharian-daughters/

Regards,

Genevieve

Letter regarding the New Zealand Girls for Christ Conference in the North Island in 08

Dear Girls for Christ North Island attendees and families,

This is the final week for booking. Get in quick! There will not be another North Island GFC conference for some time – tentitive booking for Sept 2009. This one is from 21-24 January 2008 in the Auckland area. A registration form is attached.

We have some great speakers and craft activities this year, and I’m sure you will enjoy your time with us! The Chosen Valley camp also has a great outdoor lake, canoes, waterslide, flying fox etc so you can spend time enjoying Gods creation and making new likeminded friends at the same time.

Please contact me as soon as possible as the camp would like our final numbers very soon.

You may register via email and pay online if you so desire.

Thank you and God Bless you as you prayerfully consider coming this year.

Amy Lauder (GFC Conference Co-Ordinator)

P.S. A note to the South Islanders here – A new Registration form for our South Island Woodend 2008 GFC conf (21st-24th March) will be posted online http://girls4christ.googlepages.com/ this Thursday Lord willing. Remember not to paste this address in google search bars, only in the address panel at the top of your web search page.

Thanks and God Bless you all! ~Looking forward to seeing you all again in March:-)

Amy L.

I am still collecting blogs and websites and details of any ministries you are involved in!

Last week I mentioned that I had noticed that many of you who receive the Issacharian Daughters newsletter are also involved in ministering to or encouraging or exhorting other young women in other ways – such as through a newsletter or a magazine or a website or blog. If that includes you please feel free to send me an email giving me the name of your newsletter or book or website along with a quick paragraph with your name and location and a piece explaining the vision/purpose behind your blog. Lord willing I’ll compile a list and share it with all the other Issacharian Daughters.

More questions for suitors

· How do you feel about the medical system? Would you be willing to trust the Father for healing in a life and death situation?

· What do you think about birthing children at home?

· What do you think about a healthy diet? Would you be willing for your family to spend more money on food and items that would be more natural and healthy for them? Or do you prefer cheap, junky foods?

· What are your thoughts on being self-sufficient? Off the grid?

· If the economy collapsed, would you be able to provide for your family? Could you garden your own food? Kill your own animals?

· What do you think about prayer? Do you want to pray with your wife? With your children?

· What do you think about being filled with the Holy Spirit? About spiritual warfare? Demonic principalities?

· Have you ever dabbled in other religions, such as witchcraft, New Age, etc?

Thanks Hannah for these questions!

Regarding ID071 – Glorifying God by Honouring Parents

Thank you so much for this issue! It was just what I needed to read to push me onward in the upward walk. He who searches our hearts (Rom. 8) knew that! The Master bless you for your sharpening of our lives!

~Melanie from the USA

Book recommendations

Hello dear sisters in the Master, I have discovered two VERY helpful things for us daughters of the King in our walk toward Him. The first is an audio series called “The Making of a Princess” by Dora Esh. The very helpful topics are on modesty, our attitudes, and our relationships. In the tapes on modesty, there are many different opinions on what is presented. You can be modest and feminine lots of times with lace and pleats, so just weigh everything you hear as always with the Scripture and your father’s desires for you. Overall, this set changed my life! The set is available online for free from: http://www.charityministries.org/msg_detail.a5w?vlast_index=SET115 .

And the second tool is a book entitled Beautiful Girlhood, by Mabel Hale. This encouraging book is a treasure box full of gems of advice for the transition time from girlhood to womanhood. More than 16 girls I know have it and many of them have been helped dramatically by Mrs. Hale’s (the author’s) words of wisdom. In fact, one friend says she has read it over 20 times! Mrs. Hale knows so well what we girls think and go through that it is really a comfort to read her book. Written 100 years ago, Beautiful Girlhood is an enjoyable, easy read with true stories throughout. May it become your friend and a valued guide through the years ahead! You can get it from www.amazon.com .

From Melanie in the USA

Monday, 7 January 2008

Dear Girls,

Submission in Dress

A friend of mine, Lindsay Schultz, a young woman who radiates modesty, femininity and beauty, shares about her journey as she learned about submitting to her father in the area of dress.

“In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-11 Modesty. As girls we hear that word often and know that the Bible desires us to dress modestly. But what exactly does that word mean? Continue reading →

Dear Girls,

The next newsletter is attached as a pdf id070-what-has-the-lord-been-teaching-you.pdf. The text from the pdf follows this note for those of you who have difficulty opening the pdf. You do need to open the pdf to see the images though.

May God bless you as you enjoy the holidays, gather together with your families and remember the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Regarding the Questions for Suitors

Dear Genevieve,

One of the questions that my mother asked my father before they were married was: “Can we have people inside the house, and animals outside the house?” I did think that it might be a good idea to ask questions like: “What do you think about animals? Farming?” “Would you want us to have animals? Inside or outside?”

Shalom, Hannah from the USA

Dear Genevieve,

Most of the questions I have come up with were addressed in the last newsletter, but I do have a suggestion to make for all of the girls going through them. I have been going through them and categorizing them. Marking out:

* which questions I would want answers to (or the topics I would want some ideas on what positions he holds to,) up front before entering a courtship,

* those that are “like minded, equal yoking” questions that need to be asked early on in the courtship,

* those questions that are not “like minded” type questions but they “could bug me if I didn’t find them out right at the beginning”,

* those questions that are interesting to know, but are not essentials so they could be safely asked when the courtship is on a firm footing,

* those questions that I would need to know later on in the courtship, but could be seen as more of a “I’m really committed to this” type of question

* those that would be for near engagement or after engagement,

* and those questions that are more or less unimportant to you, but should at least be asked in case they are important to “him”

This is helping me to sketch out in my mind the flow and intensity of the questions, the implied commitment, or potential emotional impact they can have in both his and my heart and life.

Thanks for all of your work in the newsletters and your ministry to all of the young woman you touch through it.

Ashley S in the USA

A Letter from a Pioneer Visionary Daughter

Genevieve,

I am so thrilled to hear that you are soon to be married! Although you hardly know me from a bar of soap, I have known of you and your family in different ways for years now. You would hardly believe it, but in just the last week I have been thinking a lot about you and praying that your parents would find an excellent husband for you!! I saw somewhere on the ‘Net a while ago that you were born a month before me; in that and in other ways, I felt some affinity with you.

I, too, “gave up” the rat race in order to prepare myself for the future. I spent almost a year gleaning (like my namesake) all the wisdom and knowledge I could on marriage, making a home, managing a household, nutrition and health, childbearing and childrearing, gardening, frugality, beauty, and anything else I thought might be useful.

Of course, there were people who did not – and still do not – fully understand what I was doing during that time, seemingly seeing it as wasted time or a dereliction of “duty.” However, I will leave that in the hands of the One who judges justly.

I am certain that every day since I was married (five years ago last Friday), I have used at least one piece of that wisdom from those who have gone before me.

Funnily enough, at the time, I was convinced that I must be the only unmarried young woman in New Zealand who was doing such a thing. : )

You can be assured that I will think of you often and pray for you and your family. How exciting to think of you becoming a mother quite soon, too, Lord willing. ; )

Ruth Pickles in New Zealand

Regards,

Genevieve Smith

Monday, 24 December 2007

Dear Girls,

What has the Lord been Teaching You?

“What has the Lord been teaching you recently?” is a question I often ask and just as often ponder myself. “What has the Lord been teaching me recently? What is He teaching me right now?”

During the first part of this year the Lord was teaching me a LOT about submission—how I needed to submit to my parents and the impact a submissive or unsubmissive heart would have on a future husband and marriage. These were good lessons, excellent lessons, given what happened in the second part of this year: meeting Pete and becoming engaged! The Lord’s timing is perfect!

Some lessons are hard to learn. I have an unsubmissive, sinner’s heart. But the Lord has been, oh, so gentle with me in this area. He hasn’t left me alone to make mistakes and battle on my own. With this lesson He provided me with a curriculum, workshops and sounding boards.

Sounding boards

These were my parents. The Lord opened my eyes on a couple of unsubmissive occasions to see the effect my manner was having on my parents. How it was draining them of energy and enthusiasm and motivation. This was a very humbling experience, particularly as I realised that the same manner would produce the same effect on a future husband. Did I want to be the cause of draining him of energy, enthusiasm and motivation? Certainly not! I wanted to be an energy giver, a motivator and someone who would promote enthusiasm! So while trying to get rid of my unsubmissive habits, I realised I needed to pursue joyful and cheerful obedience.

Workshops

Each year I organise a Titus 2 Party. It is a time when I invite all the ladies I know, young and old, to a party. The older ladies I’ll invite to teach and the younger ones to come with questions. Each year I pick a different topic from Titus 2v4-5: Loving husbands, loving children, being chaste, good, discreet, being a good homemaker and being submissive to our own husbands.

This year I picked being submissive.

I asked the older ladies to speak about being submissive to husbands, as a lot of the young women were married, but also to speak about how we could prepare for that by being submissive to our parents, as many of the young women (such as myself) were unmarried. The evening was FABULOUS! And I learned a LOT! Lord willing I’ll be able to share with you what the older women shared in a future newsletter.

Curriculum

Not only did the Lord provide me with sounding boards and organise workshops for me as He has been teaching me about submission, but He has also given me a curriculum. And what a curriculum! It is a book called, As Unto the Lord: a Tool for Wives Who Want to Glorify God.

The book is based on the Westminster Larger Catechism’s commentary on the fifth commandment — the one about honouring parents. The commentary basically says that the fifth commandment is not just saying that children need to honour parents, but that all those under authority need to honour those in authority. It defines the honour we owe to those in authority over us and also describes the sins we often commit against those in authority over us.

The author of this fabulous book, Pam Forster, simply expands on this commentary, asking questions to help wives determine whether they are properly honouring their husbands and helping them to analyse the way they are sinning against their husbands.

When I picked up and read the book, I did so as a daughter to help me in my relationship with my parents. Nearly 100% of the questions for wives in relation to husbands worked for me in relation to my parents! The book was so helpful! As I read through the questions and meditated on them and the Scriptures given, I was provided with countless practical ways to show respect to my parents.

After reading the book, I dreamed of getting together with Mrs Forster and writing a book just like it especially for daughters. But guess what I’ve discovered? She has already done it! She has two new books. One is called For This is Right and the other is called Honor Thy Father and Mother. One is for older children and the other for younger children. Here are the links:

http://www.doorposts.net/this_is_right.asp

http://www.doorposts.net/honor.asp

Next week I’ll share with you some of the questions from As Unto the Lord. You won’t want to miss these! They are sure to touch your heart and suggest ways of changing patterns of behaviour as you meditatively go through them.

For the Greater Glory of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,

Genevieve Smith

Issacharian Daughter

Notes:

I have sent this email to girls who have embraced a vision of victorious daughterhood as well as those who may be thinking about doing so (and even to some girls who may just like some encouragement regarding different areas of home life). Some of the girls are in the USA, UK, Australia and other parts of the world. Most are in New Zealand. You are welcome to forward this email on to others so long as you do so in its entirety. If you do not want to receive these emails please just send a return email to me stating that fact. If you know of other girls who would be encouraged by receiving these emails, feel free to forward the email to them or send me their email address.

click on heading to read whole post and to make links live.

pdf of Issacharian Daughters – ID067 – click on link below for correct layout and photos

Click here: id069-even-more-questions-for-suitors.pdf

Dear Girls,

The next newsletter is attached as a pdf and the text follows this note for those of you who have difficulty opening the pdf. I’m a little early emailing this one out as I’m going to be away for four days visiting dear friends.

I am still collecting blogs and websites and details of any ministries you are involved in!

Last week I mentioned that I had noticed that many of you who receive the Issacharian Daughters newsletter are also involved in ministering to or encouraging or exhorting other young women in other ways – such as through a newsletter or a magazine or a website or blog. If that includes you please feel free to send me an email giving me the name of your newsletter or book or website along with a quick paragraph with your name and location and a piece explaining the vision/purpose behind your blog. Lord willing I’ll compile a list and share it with all the other Issacharian Daughters.

Notice Regarding the Girls for Christ Conferences in New Zealand

Dear Girls for Christ families, Just to let you know as posted on our website (but unchanged on the pdf file Registration form). We have changed our internet provider, and no longer have xtra. We will not be able toreceive your enquiries if you use that address. Please change it to gfc.conferences@ihug.co.nz. Looking forward to seeing you all again this coming year Lord willing.Thanks and God Bless,Amy Lauder (GFC Co-ordinator)

The Girls for Christ website is: http://girls4christ.googlepages.com/ And the link for the 2008 Conference registration form is: http://girls4christ.googlepages.com/GIRLS4CHRISTREGISTRATIONPAMPHLET.pdf

Letter from a reader
Dear Genevieve,Thanks for your newsletter – it is always inspiring and offers much food for thought and prayer! The questions are interesting – I like the advice you give [about the questions for suitors], to be discerning about which ones [to ask], and when to ask them, and to perhaps get fathers/parents to do most of the research as the questions can lead to a certain level of intimacy before the time is right.Also, I appreciate your advice about being careful to maintain emotional purity, even if a young man shows positive attributes according to one’s personal list of requirements – in case he is not the one God has intended. How wonderful if many young men can show those positive attributes – it is a reflection of their parents’ good training and God’s grace in their lives!

We have been greatly blessed by your ministry even though we have come into it rather late! :-))

God bless you richly.Love in Him,Vicki McGeorgeRegards,Genevieve Smith

Monday, 17 December 2007

Dear Girls,

Even More Questions for Suitors

Here they are! Even more questions for suitors – over 90 in fact! Enjoy!

**Warning**

[I’ll repeat this warning from last week]

Questions like this do need to come with a warning label! Discussing these questions with a suitor – getting his responses and giving your own – can be an intimate and emotionally bonding exercise. Please use discernment with regard to how and when you use these questions. In my own situation, Dad had spent seven months emailing Pete before he and I met. When Pete and I started going through questions like these together, Dad was already convinced that all that was needed was a little bit of chemistry to bring about a courtship, engagement and marriage! I want to advocate taking care because it is no good to become emotionally bonded through a questioning process like this only to have a relationship end, say, because it wasn’t a serious relationship anyway, or because some basic foundational questions weren’t asked first to ensure that you could marry (ie that a marriage would be an equal yoking). For more information on emotional purity and taking care of your heart and emotions, the book Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Paulsen is excellent. I normally sell it for NZD$26.00 but have it on sale at present for NZD$18.00 or AUD$19.00 (including postage).

Calling/Vocation/Ministry/Vision

How could I help you? In your work, vision, etc?

Do you work long hours? Do you see this continuing?

What are your long term goals/aims/ambitions/visions regarding work/family/relationships/personally?

What is your calling?

How would you define/describe the dominion mandate?

What is your ministry?

In what ministry ways do you foresee using your family?

Family/Raising Children

What goals do you have for your children? How do you want to raise them? Your boys? Your girls?

In many families the only benefit of homeschooling is that the children are at home. What benefits do you want to have? What advantages do you want to take because your children are at home?

How do you intend to discipline/train your infants?

How do you intend to discipline/train your young children?

Will your wife always come before your children?

Regarding raising boys, what will your role be? Will you take over the training of your boys from your wife at some point?

What situations would merit your daughter getting a part time or full time job? Or are you keen to train them to be helpmeets and homemakers by having them help you and I?

Will spanking be a first or last resort?

What homeschool curriculum/philosophies are you interested in?

Would you ever send your children to school?

Finances

Can you describe your financial situation to me?

How do you foresee finances once you are married to be organized? For example, what would a regular food budget be likely to be?

Do you have savings?

Do you see tithing as an act of worship? ie, not proper to come before the Lord in worship without an offering?

Home Life

What will life be like, what will my role be after the children are grown?

What are your desires/intentions with regard to hospitality?

What meals will we be able to eat together?

Would you prefer your family to work together and towards a common goal? Or is the soccer mom lifestyle acceptable to you?

What do you think about kids toys?

What do you think about clutter and stuff? Children’s chores? Pocket money?

Husband and Wife Roles and Responsibilities and Relationship

Have you prayed about our courtship/relationship/a possible future marriage with me?

What is your understanding of the way Christ loves the church?

Are you aware that as my federal head you are responsible for all my problems? (Page 12 of Federal Husband by Douglas Wilson talks about this).

In what ways will it be hard for you to give up your privacy or independence or individualism if we marry?

How can we glorify God and enjoy Him forever in our marriage?

How long have you been alone?

Does it seem to you that I would be a helper comparable to you?

Are you prepared to answer my theological questions or, if you cannot, to study so you can remedy the deficiency?

When I come to you for counsel, will you give it to me? When I ask for a decision, will you make it? Even if I resist it?

Is it important to you that your wife be loyal?

How could I demonstrate loyalty to you if we were married?

Do I fit your needs?

If we married would it point people to God?

Do you think it is appropriate to correct your wife in public?

Are you prepared for my unsubmissive sinful nature?

What if we can’t have children?

What do you anticipate married life with me looking like?

Personal Details/Idiosyncrasies

What do you do to pursue purity? To guard your purity?

Have you had any speeding tickets?

Have you ever been in trouble with the law?

Have you ever been in court?

How did your parents meet?

What makes you cry? Laugh? Frustrated?

What other emotions do you tend to feel?

What are your weaknesses?

What are your character weaknesses?

What things in your life are you trying to work on?

What spiritual mistakes have you made in the past or errors have you believed?

What sort of a wedding would you like? Style? Size? What traditions would it incorporate?

What was your family like growing up?

What is your church like?

How do you learn best?

What is important to you? What needs do you have?

Is there anything else I should know about you?

Relationships in General and Ours in Particular

Would you only date/court a person you are interested in marrying?

How long should a couple date/court before becoming engaged?

What do you think of giving promise rings?

Do you think it’s okay to talk to someone of the opposite sex on the phone if you are not dating/courting them?

What are your desires with regard to physical purity prior to marriage? What sort of physical touch is appropriate prior to marriage?

What are your desires with regard to physical affection after marriage?

Are you physically affectionate? Do you intend to be physically affectionate with your wife/children?

What are your expectations from here?

What are your courtship expectations?

What about physical touch prior to marriage?

Who are the people you are investing your emotional energy in?

What safeguards or accountability should we have when we are together before we are married?

Spiritual Disciplines (Christian Living)

What is your view of: A. Bible intake? B. Meditation? C. Prayer? D. Memorization? E. Worship? F. Evangelism? G. Tithing? H. Stewardship of time and money? I. Fasting. J. Silence and solitude? K. Simplicity (ie, living a simple life)? L. Dancing and feasting. M. Celebration?

Would you want me to wear a headcovering?

How do you feel about gossip? What constitutes gossip? How much should we talk about others? How much is it appropriate for a married couple to talk about others to each other? Would you ever talk about me to others?

Theology/Orthodoxy

What do you think of intelligent design?

What are your thoughts on paedo baptism and paedo communion?

Are you Reformed?

Ten Questions to Ask Your Husband Each Year

I listened to a sermon with this title on sermonaudio.com recently. The minister recommended that a wife ask her husband the following questions each year:

What could I do to make you feel more loved?

What could I do to make you feel more respected?

What could I do to make you feel more understood?

What could I do to make you feel more self-confident?

What could I do to make you more confident in our future direction?

What attribute would you like me to develop?

What attribute would you like for me to help you develop?

What achievement in my life would bring you the greatest joy?

What would really indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christlike?

What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish?

Wouldn’t those be great questions to ask your husband each year to bless your husband and really be a help to him? Tuck them away and pull them out again once you are married!

For the Greater Glory of God through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,

Genevieve Smith

Issacharian Daughter

Notes:

I have sent this email to girls who have embraced a vision of victorious daughterhood as well as those who may be thinking about doing so (and even to some girls who may just like some encouragement regarding different areas of home life). Some of the girls are in the USA, UK, Australia and other parts of the world. Most are in New Zealand. You are welcome to forward this email on to others so long as you do so in its entirety. If you do not want to receive these emails please just send a return email to me stating that fact. If you know of other girls who would be encouraged by receiving these emails, feel free to forward the email to them or send me their email address.

click on heading to read whole post and to make links live.

pdf of Issacharian Daughters – ID067 – click on link below for correct layout and photos

Click here: id068-more-questions-for-suitors.pdf

Dear Girls,

The next newsletter is attached as a pdf and the text follows this note (for those of you who have trouble opening the pdf).

As many of you subscribed and communicated with me about various things I have noticed that quite a few of you are involved in encouraging others in virtuous womanhood or femininity or modesty, etc. I thought it would be neat some time to compile a list of all the blog or websites, books, newsletters, magazines, writings, etc that you are behind. So send me an email giving me your blog or web address and a quick paragraph with your name and location and a piece explaining the vision/purpose behind your blog. Lord willing I’ll compile a list and share it with all the Issacharian Daughters.

Notes from readersDear Genevieve,I am so incredibly happy for you. Your patient waiting has really paid off. Thank you so much for the Issacharian Daughters newsletter. It is a weekly treat for me and my mother, and sometimes my brother. We all enjoyed reading “The Courting Chair”. Every Monday morning we would hurry to the computer, print off the newsletter and I
would read it aloud, all the while trying not to cry. This is truly a God ordained ministry. Thank you. Thank you. You are a blessing!
In His precious name, Rachel Limback, Farmington, N.M.Dear Genevieve,My best friend and I read your emails and we have been really encouraged by your story and the ‘Courting Chair’ as well. [Visit https://hef.org.nz/ and read ID058 and ID059 for my story or ID061-ID065 to read the Courting Chair series – Ed] Her Bible study has also been talking about ‘future mates’ and what they would like to see in a life partner!! So the two of us got to talking and decided to write up our own lists of what we would like to see in a future life partner. And so that is what we did. And honestly I have been surprised how helpful it has been… I guess for a lot of girls we tend to daydream and wonder ‘is this the one’. I think a lot of the time it is subconscious and we don’t even realize that we are doing it (well at least I find that is true for me). Anyway getting back on course the reason this ‘list’ of mine has been so helpful is that by just talking to guys that I know I can see that they don’t have the qualities or same standards/beliefs that I have or would want in a husband so there isn’t the same emotional attachment as there might have been if I hadn’t done the list!!! (Hope that all made sense). Anyway, thanx so much for your emails. They are really encouraging:) Well I’ve got to go now but I hope you have a wonderful week. Love you.God BlessHannah in New Zealand xoxoxoHere is my response to Hannah: Dear Hannah,You have encapsulated beautifully exactly why it can be so helpful to do up a list! Good on you! It was wonderful to read what you wrote. I found the exact same benefit from doing up a list. Be aware that when you meet someone who does have the things on the list it can become harder to keep your emotions in check! That is when it becomes good to have an open relationship with your dad or mum and enlist their help in remaining emotionally pure and not losing your affections to those who do match the things on the list (because you might meet several of those before God brings along the one He has designed to be your husband!). Love to you,GenevieveDear Genevieve,Oh my you have been blessed with the most beautiful testimony to share with our daughters on the true virtue of courting and engagement. I hope you don’t mind but I have shared it with friends of Clarissa (my 13 year old daughter) and they all loved that Peter asked to “pursue” you. I have also shared with some of my friends and we all sigh wistfully at such romance, the setting, the box, he the real gentleman… (sigh). And I also shared your testimony with a customer who came into the shop and was very discouraged. She is a 27 year old woman was down hearted at her single status and her love to honor her parents (that have recently migrated to NZ with very little ability to speak English) she felt was perhaps more her burden. “Well I know a woman of God that has a testimony which I am sure will encourage you,” I said and I shared your story, well as much as I could remember which I might add was pretty accurate considering I should know it off by heart by now!! She left with a spring in her step and a hope renewed, and I stood there and prayed a thousand blessings for you, you are such a treasure. The Lord bless your parents for the teaching they laid as your foundation, for it is their wisdom too that is imparted. How blessed I and all of us who have this precious gift of Issacharian ministries. Thank you Genevieve.God bless you Genevieve.Much love fromMelissa Morrison in New ZealandRegards,Genevieve

Monday, 10 December 2007

Dear Girls,

More Questions for Suitors

Here are a lot more questions for suitors (over 90!) and Lord willing there will be Even More Questions for Suitors next week. If you have some questions of your own to contribute, please email them in! These are great questions for our parents to use to analyze a suitor and great questions for us to use in getting to know a suitor too. Many thanks to the girls who sent in some of these questions. The rest are ones that I wrote down in my journal over the years with the intention of asking them of a future suitor. They also include some questions that Pete, my suitor, suggested!

**Warning**

Questions like this do need to come with a warning label! Discussing these questions with a suitor – getting his responses and giving your own – can be an intimate and emotionally bonding exercise. Please use discernment with regard to how and when you use these questions. In my own situation, Dad had spent seven months emailing Pete before he and I met. When Pete and I started going through questions like these together, Dad was already convinced all that was needed was a little bit of chemistry to bring about a courtship, engagement and marriage! I want to advocate taking care because it is no good to become emotionally bonded through a questioning process like this only to have a relationship end, say, because it wasn’t a serious relationship anyway, or because some basic foundational questions weren’t asked first to ensure that you could marry (ie, that a marriage would be an equal yoking). For more information on emotional purity and taking care of your heart and emotions the book Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Paulsen is excellent. I have this book in stock. Feel free to email me to enquire about ordering it. Normally the price is NZD$26.00 but I have it on sale at present for NZD$18.00 or AUD$19.00 (including postage).

Calling/Vocation/Ministry/Vision

What career are you pursuing? How are you pursuing it (college, apprenticeship, etc.)?

How do you intend to fulfil the dominion mandate?

What is your vision for the future? Where do you think the Lord wants you? What is His will for your life?

What is your or would be our great spiritual purpose i

n life?

What particular task have you been created for and called to?

What is your long-term vision for your family?

How do you keep your vision alive?

Family/Raising Children

Do you think it is appropriate to raise our children from a young age to be computer literate?

Do you believe in maiden daughters staying at home or would you want them to get a university degree/career?

What kind of relationship do you have with your father? Your mother? What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your sons? Your daughters?

Do you believe in using birth control?

How many children do you want? How many boys and how many girls?

What do you want to name your children?

What do you believe about child discipline?

What do you believe about homeschooling?

What is your greatest desire for your children? That they would know God?

What is your vision for your family?

Finances

What do you believe regarding going into debt?

What do you believe about taking government handouts such as family support?

What do you believe about finances? Cash based or are credit cards ok?

How would you like to deal with money? Will I have a household budget?

As far as you can ascertain…what sort of income level are you likely to live at?

Home Life

What sort of meals does your family eat? What sort of meals do you want your wife to make?

What sorts of foods do you like? How should I organise meals? ie, main meal at lunch or dinner?

In what ways would you like your future household to be disciplined?

What books do you want on your shelves? For you and your family?

What books do you not want on your shelves?

Where do you want to live?

Husband and Wife Roles and Responsibilities and Relationship

What do you look for in a wife?

How do you define a meek and quiet spirit in a woman? Is this something you look for in a wife?

Do you believe that a wife should submit to her husband? What exactly does this mean to you?

Do you believe that a husband should love his wife as he loves himself? What exactly does this mean to you?

Will you expect your wife to be the sole care giver to your children, or will you take an active role in raising them?

Do you expect your wife to do all the cooking?

What are your views on female dress/appearance?

How can I please you in the way that I dress?

How can I please you in the way that I speak?

How can I please you in the things that I do?

In what ways, in what things do you need a wife to help you?

What things do you see yourself doing with your wife: A. for relaxation?

B. for fun? C. to sanctify her? D. to prepare for the future?

Would you ever require/ask your wife to go into paid employment outside the home?

Would you desire me to be active as a Titus 2 woman? (Particularly after our children have been raised?)

Would you be willing to run with me? Walk with me? Help to keep me accountable to an exercise programme?

How can I show you respect? What would you view as a disrespectful attitude or action from me?

Have you prayed about our courtship/relationship/a possible future marriage with me?

Personal Details/Idiosyncrasies

What is your favorite food?

What are some of your favorite TV shows and movies?

What’s your favorite color?

What would be your favourite aspect of friendship? Marriage? Fatherhood? Husbandhood? Having a wife? Owning your own home?

Do you have any food allergies?

In what ways are you disciplined?

In what ways would you like to be disciplined?

Do you like to read out loud?

to be gentlemen?

What place does music have in your life?

In what ways are you like your dad? In what ways are you unlike him?

Who are the influential people in your life? Why?

Who do you read/have you read?

What are your messages?

What do you like to read? What do you not like to read?

What is the nicest complement you have been paid?

How often and how much of the Bible do you read? What have you memorized?

Politics

Are you a republican, democrat, etc?

Would you vote for a female presidential candidate?

What if the Government becomes antifamily, statist and totalitarian? Where would we go? What would we do? What about if we can’t spank? What about if we can’t home educate our children? Or can’t worship God/

If homeschooling becomes illegal would you still homeschool? What about spanking?

Relationships in General and Ours in Particular

Do you believe in dating or courtship, and how do you define both of these?

Tell me about your past relationships.

Have you ever kissed anyone?

Do you believe in saving your first kiss for your wedding kiss?

Have you ever had sex? [Girls, as horrible as it is to admit it, this and other similar questions are important to ask in this day and age. Michael Pearl writes an excellent article in this vein for fathers. Perhaps you could give your father the following link and tell him it is to an article which talks about some of the important questions a father would want to ask a future suitor in order to protect his daughter. This is not an article for younger readers to read (or even for most older readers! It is for fathers.).

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/general-view/archive/2006/march/24/dads-daughter/]

How far have you gone physically with someone? Do you regret going that far?

Do you have difficulty dealing with lust?

How far do you think is okay to go physically with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

With just a friend?

Is holding hands okay? Hugging?

How much supervision do you think a dating/courting couple should have? Should they be allowed to go on dates alone? Should one of their parents always be present?

Do you think the man should always pay for dates?

Is it wrong for a woman to initiate a relationship with a man? Should a man always be the one to initiate a relationship? Why or why not?

Spiritual Disciplines (Christian Living)

Do you have any convictions about which Christian organizations you give money to?

When sharing your faith, do you believe in preaching “Law to the proud, grace to the humble” or do you believe in telling people that “God has a wonderful plan for your life”?

Do you desire to glorify God in all that you do?

Is attending church every Sunday a priority for you?

Do you believe in elder rule, congregational rule or pastoral rule?

Do you prefer small churches or large churches?

Theology/Orthodoxy

What do you believe about creation vs. evolution?

What is the meaning of life?

What are your beliefs on the end times?

Do you believe the rapture will occur before the tribulation?

What do you believe about heaven and hell?

Books To Read Together

Read through As Unto the Lord: A Tool for Wives Who Want to Glorify God by Pam Forster together and discuss (to understand what each believes about submission and how the wife can honour her husband).

Read Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson together and discuss (Other good ones would be Federal Husband by Douglas Wilson and The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson).

My minister recommended for pre-marriage counselling that Pete and I read and discuss together Developing Deep Unity in the Marriage Relationship by Wayne Mack and Christian Living in the Home by Jay Adams. Another good resource may be Preparing for Marriage by Wayne Mack.

For the Greater Glory of God through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,

Genevieve Smith

Issacharian Daughter

Notes:

I have sent this email to girls who have embraced a vision of victorious daughterhood as well as those who may be thinking about doing so (and even to some girls who may just like some encouragement regarding different areas of home life). Some of the girls are in the USA, UK, Australia and other parts of the world. Most are in New Zealand. You are welcome to forward this email on to others so long as you do so in its entirety. If you do not want to receive these emails please just send a return email to me stating that fact. If you know of other girls who would be encouraged by receiving these emails, feel free to forward the email to them or send me their email address.